Finals are imminent, so my colleagues and I are going through the annual rite of passage more commonly know as “revision hell”.
Let’s break down the various stages… I think I’m at around number 5.
1. Denial
A couple of days into your revision, you’re thinking of the long weeks between now and the exam – you’ve got ages, it’ll be fine.
You’ve done two hours of “reading” today – most of which was probably spent trying to find the right set of notes, ordering your highlighters into an appropriate rainbow effect and googling funny cat videos.
You deserve a break – after all, in a few weeks you’ll be snowed under and won’t have the luxury of time to do other things and enjoy life outside the imprisonment of your degree.
2. Panic (stage 1)
This is probably somewhere around a couple of weeks into “proper revision”.
You’ve still got a few weeks left, but, be honest, you probably haven’t been massively productive so far. You’ve looked at a calendar, maybe drawn up a timetable, looked at the list of topics to cover… and absolutely crapped yourself.
3. Bargaining
Shortly after panicking, you try to work out how you’re realistically going to tackle this.
“If I cram 10 lectures worth of notes into half an hour, I should be able to cover the course in time,” you reason.
Maybe at this point, you’re already deciding which topics to bin and, instead, go for a “strategic approach”, which involves trying to work out questions likely to be asked. However, in the time you spend looking up past papers, asking people a year older what they were asked and trying to calculate what hasn’t come up in a while, you probably could have just read about those diseases and conditions you are sacrificing.
You also waste a lot of time looking up the elusive course information documents you definitely should have found a long time ago, but were not really listening when advised to do so in your final year induction lecture.
You desperately work out which parts of the exam you have to pass, where you could make up marks, and the worst possible mark or grade you could get and still pass.
This doesn’t really change your outlook at all.
4. Past caring
You feel like you haven’t seen daylight for days or worn anything but “comfy clothes” for a while, while the diet/fitness regime has gone down the toilet.
You’ve been locked in this hell forever and still feel like you have forever left (probably about two weeks). You’ve lost all motivation and just want it to end now.
5. Panic (stage 2)
Anytime from a week to a few days before, panic sets in again.
Okay, you really have to get your act together. It’s now or never – you’ve got five years worth of stuff to learn in four days… sounds reasonable?
But you don’t have time for a full-scale breakdown. This panic stage tends to be more productive and actually kicks your lazy butt into action. Get the caffeine on board and get on with it.
6. Hysteria
The combination of exhaustion and your brain feeling like total mush results in a drunk-like hysteria. Something that probably isn’t that funny makes you cry with laughter; a diaphragm deep bellow, as if you’d forgotten how to laugh or be happy.
You realise you’ve probably gone a bit mad, but don’t even care – the end is in sight.
7. Acceptance
Whether it’s the night before the exam as you close the books and try to get a good night’s sleep, or as you walk into the exam room buzzing from the seven Red Bulls you downed in the past four hours off the back of yet another pre-exam all-nighter, you will finally reach a point of acceptance. There’s nothing more you can do now except stay awake long enough to finish the paper your degree depends on.
It’s all very well when people who’ve likely never sat a veterinary exam offer you extremely unhelpful and unrealistic advice – such as “drink green tea instead of coffee”, “get lots of sleep” and “take regular breaks” (jeez, if I took a break every 15 minutes, it would take 20 years to get this degree) – but you’ve got this far using whatever “unhealthy” method works for you, so believe in yourself. It’s the last push now and you’ll never have to sit an exam again (maybe).
Anyway, I’d better get back to my cocktail of Pro Plus, chocolate and Earl Grey.
Good luck!
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