It’s a clear sign of impending Christmas time when client gifts, in the form of those jumbo tins of Quality Street, start creeping back into the practice. If that’s not enough of a festive indicator, the diary being absolutely blocked solid with MASSIVELY URGENT things that absolutely must be done before Christmas is a sure sign.
We are all pushed for time, advent feels more like an uphill battle than a wind down, and as I am on call for Christmas, I find myself oscillating between festive and forlorn.
I’m under no illusion nobody will call me out for something other than a serious emergency at Christmas, but I do feel somewhat fearful I won’t be able to watch The Muppet Christmas Carol uninterrupted.
On call carols
I often find the week before Christmas to be the most manic, balancing last minute gift shopping on bitter evenings with catching up on sleep before another onslaught of even more last minute visits. It leaves the December diary looking like an odd new arrangement of ”The 12 Days of Christmas”:
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
the farmer called to me:
Twelve alpacas choking
Sick calves for tubing
Ten llamas weeping
Rams caught in fencing
Eight sheep stopped milking
Seven not seen bulling
Six geese not laying
FIVE BULL RINGS…
Four scrawny birds
Full straw pens
Two itchy pigs
and a last minute heifer PD
Christmas crackers
In all seriousness though, as someone who has been on call for Christmas before and is staring down the barrel of another Yuletide while cow-side, I have are a few tips to share.
Don’t get all humbug about the season
Your colleagues are mostly going to be happy about getting a break and seeing loved ones. I would hope nobody is out to make you feel bad on purpose, so let them be excited. Stomping about like the Grinch won’t help your morale either.
Get familiar with the TV schedule
For me, Christmas is all about watching the specials and everything I can fit in around the aforementioned Muppets.
The real-life animal population at large is not going to fit into your schedule, so record what you want to see and when you get back from that calving at 6am, you can dive straight into Doctor Who and mince pies without faffing about downloading it and risking spoilers.
Make yourself a little Christmas meal
In 2016, it was just me and the dog, so I cooked a little chicken rather than a whacking great turkey that we were never going to manage. Scale down, but don’t let go of your own traditions.
While you’re shopping for your Christmas lunch, get some real food in the house. You know what I mean. There will come a time when you too will tire of living off Celebrations and old Christmas cake. Buy some fruit that isn’t drenched in alcohol.
Don’t mope
Yes, it’s rubbish to be working at Christmas, but if you find yourself offered a little bit of hospitality by local friends who won’t mind if you ditch them in favour of a late night prolapse, then go around and be part of something.
A Christmas alone can feel very isolating – grasp opportunities for a little human contact.
Wear the Christmas jumper
Go on. Nobody will notice it under your waterproofs. It’s almost never awkward unless you’re going to an emotional PTS – leave your “Fa la la la llama” jumper in the car for that one.
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