Ahh, Christmas is here: the time for massive, conspicuous and planet-destroying consumption; the time for finding out which new Christmas “tradition” has been invented by people in marketing this year to separate you from your money.
For me, this December has been punctuated by repeated episodes of sudden middle-of-the-night realisations that, once again, I’ve forgotten to perform the ages-old “tradition” of the NAUGHTY FUCKING ELF, and then having to jump up and arrange the bastard toy in some bizarre incriminating crime scene as if I was the props guy for CSI: North Pole.
The festive season has been greatly lightened for me by the release of Adam Kay’s stocking-filler ‘Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas – something of a side-dish (a kidney dish, if you like) to his excellent This is Going to Hurt: The Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor. If you haven’t read it, go and get it and read it instead; it’s much better than this blog.
What big requirements you have…
As well as learning more about the seemingly infinite variety of unlikely objects people insist upon inserting into their most intimate orifices, I was fascinated to discover there is, in NHS circles, a particularly unlovely festive tradition practised by the British middle classes – the phenomenon of “Granny Dumping”.
This involves a suspiciously well-looking, but chronically ill elderly relative – generally one requiring close attention or care – arriving at A&E due to a recent fall or other minor incident, whereupon the family suddenly doesn’t have room to have them back, or they are “going away” so poor old granny or grandma ends up staying on the wards over Christmas.
Now, with social care being what it is in our increasingly dystopian future, I’m aware of the great strain placed upon home carers, so I’m not entirely unsympathetic to the reasons behind this. What I found especially fascinating was that it absolutely ties in with a phenomenon we have long recognised in the veterinary field, even if we are less explicit about it…
The ‘Christmas Clear-out’
Myself and my fellow Vet Times bloggers have discussed this problem a couple of times before – my own Yule be sorry post from 2015, and Jordan Sinclair’s 2018 missive, Dealing with a dreaded ‘Christmas clear-out’, for example – and it won’t come as any surprise to readers who work in the veterinary field that practices often experience a large increase in euthanasia appointments in the week leading up to the big day.
One unhappy Christmas Eve I personally euthanised six chronically unwell elderly pets in a row – all of which had stable or very slowly deteriorating conditions, but whose owners had decided that the time had come, just before Santa arrived, possibly giving them just enough time to make the house smell less of incontinence before the family descended.
It seems mean-spirited to say that, but it’s hard to maintain an air of festive cheer and goodwill to all men when you’re spending an entire week disposing of lives rather than fixing them so some families can have a slightly less pissy Christmas than they otherwise would have done. It seems contrary to the stated (if rarely followed) aims of the Christmas period.
Festive finality
As with Granny Dumping, I am not blind to the strain elderly pet care places on people, but the large increase that vets experience in death-dealing as we approach the festive season suggests (however much the owners may tell themselves their doing it for their pet) it’s not entirely the welfare of their companion that led them to make this final decision.
At least with Granny Dumping, the family can take granny back afterwards.
So, with that in mind, if your elderly and slightly whiffy companion has made it this far into the Christmas period, I’d like you to get up and go and give the smelly old bugger a cuddle from me, and I’d like to say thank you for doing your bit and for caring (even though I know it can be tough), and thank you for helping to improve the mental well-being of your local vet.
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