I’ve said before about my lack of love for Facebook, but my social media heart has warmed up a little towards it – not because I think their exposure will create a better platform or that people will ever stop posting the same meme 50 times a day. No, it’s much simpler and closer to home.
There’s a Veterinary Spoonholders group and I’ve joined as a proud #spoonie. If you don’t know what a spoonie is, let’s begin.
The term was coined by Christine Miserandino to explain how life is when you have chronic fatigue or low energy levels brought on by any of the debilitating chronic health issues that may befall us.
My spoonie journey started with a wonderful combination kick-started by my endocrine system with hypothyroidism. Compared to hyperthyroidism, doctors are less concerned with hypothyroidism in my experience as the effects aren’t as likely to kill you as the effects of hyperthyroidism. Well, yes my heart might not give up, but my soul and spirit have been crushed under the effects of this disease.
After the hypothyroidism came the degenerative disc disease, but this hid itself for quite a while under slipped discs, and chronic and acute pain. Then fibromyalgia popped up. Not sleeping properly because of pain and large amounts of analgesia brought on chronic fatigue, on top of the thyroid fog.
Pitfall of zero energy
I’m not physically or emotionally recognisable as the same person I was before 2007, which has led to a period of grieving for my former self, but also has some good points, I promise. I’ve had to leave behind my world of cycling to work, working busy shifts in a big hospital and cycling to play tennis. Sometimes loss is the catalyst for change that makes it seem in proportion – is having a great figure more important than being pain free?
Being a spoonie relates to physical energy and emotional resources. You can’t stay perky and the life of the party when you’re in pain, are sleep deprived and on enough medication to knock out a large horse.
Being a spoonie also creeps up on you, so you plan your life as you used to live it, but you trip into the pit of zero energy and that “quick drink” is too much to cope with. By now you’re using your spoons to measure out every little task: showering, washing your hair, getting dressed; they all take a bit of energy and that catches up on you. It’s hard to explain to those who don’t have to do the calculation, but someone else’s “quick drink” is enough energy to let me have a shower AND wash my hair, and even possibly buy and cook my dinner.
Put in vet nursing terms, being a spoonie means I’m not going to score very well on Orpet and Jeffreys Activities of Living. For a long time G did everything – cook, clean, pet care – without him I wouldn’t be here. He also has indulged my new passion that keeps me sane – stand-up paddle boarding.
Being here and achieving what I have and can has been down to an entire village – Janesville, if you like. This has helped keep me sane and get me, literally, back on my feet.
Finding peace with a paddle
As a spoonie you become someone who needs other people, but can rarely reciprocate that kindness back. I want to thank the people who got me here, and by here I mean on a board on the canal at BSAVA Congress; because when paddling up the canal with Cal and Chris I had a beautiful moment of clarity and peace.
Paddle boarding is mindful, and good for body and soul, and on that little flat stretch of water in front of many veterinary colleagues I could take a few seconds to thank everybody who has got me there:
- Ruth – for understanding, never asking for more and getting me on a board for the first time.
- G – for everything.
- Pam – my physio and all round fixer of hurts.
- Trauma and Ortho hospital team – I’m hoping my surgeries aren’t on a three for two offer.
- Nigel, the Veterinary Times team and everyone who has asked me to write – for giving me a purpose with writing.
- My students, real or virtual – you’re always an inspiration to try harder.
- Angharad, Cal, Cat and Chris – for creating the #bekind movement.
Many more in Janesville helped, but this self-indulgent blog is for those in the spoonie fog. You need to give yourself the best care possible – you deserve it and are worth it. There is life out the other side, although for many months, if not years, I never in my wildest dreams thought that would be on a board on the canal at BSAVA Congress. Some days I just wanted to get clean underwear on without falling over.
If that’s you today then there’s a better tomorrow. It will be different, but it will still be you – I’m living proof of that.
So, Facebook, you’ve given some great spoonies a space to build their own village. Maybe you’re not the Devil’s work after all.
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