Grief is grief

I have been reading with interest the news story that a person was sacked because they took a day off when their dog had died. Pets dying is an emotional subject and this story sparked debates on all sides of the argument.

The story is here, and the kernel at the heart of the headline was the employer requested the person to cover their shift, and as she was not able to do that, she was then dismissed. Writing as someone who has taken time off after the loss of a pet, I wanted to explore the issues around this story.

Emotional maturity?

I’m not sure of the legality of what happened from an employer’s view, but the number of people calling for bereavement leave for pets was huge, and in many ways I agree. I have taken the day off after a pet died as I knew I wasn’t safe to be at work.

I haven’t done this with every pet, but in one particular circumstance, where I dealt with many client complaints and issues, I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to work on that day. Should I be punished for knowing myself, and having the emotional maturity to say when I should and shouldn’t work?

Do we need ‘pet’ bereavement leave?

For me, labelling different types of time off just means we are required to provide an ever-growing list of “reasons” or “excuses” as to why we cannot attend work at any given time. While one to two days’ annual bereavement leave at no loss of earnings to the employee is a usual “perk”, do we need to explain who the grief is for?

I know some people are labelled at work because “three grandmothers” have died in the last year, but in our changing family setups, are close blood relatives the only people we grieve for? Should we not be considering that, alongside emotional maturity, we accept employees also have the grace to not abuse employment “perks”?

The more hurdles the higher they jump

While we need some boundaries on leave – paid and unpaid – the more restrictions you put on, the more some people will jump higher to exceed those restrictions.

This is part of who we are as humans, and tighter restrictions don’t necessarily mean a fairer system. Sometimes trusting your employees to know when they are at their best and when they aren’t is an important management skill.

Faking it

I have answered the telephone at work to many people over the years who have started with a croaky voice that then becomes normal as they call in “sick”.

Being physically sick is not the only reason to take time off work, but while we have to “name” the reason we are off, people are going to feign illnesses to make it “believable”. What a waste of energy – just have the emotional maturity to say you cannot attend work today, and then have the discussion about why that was once you are better/thinking more clearly and back at work.

The future

I hope we are seeing change about leave from work. No one should feel guilty for being aware of their own needs and the need to not be at work.

We also do not need to label why we are off in that first telephone call – that can be covered once you are well and back at work. For longer-term leave, you will need a GP note, and so will have the opportunity to discuss your reasons for being off work and what you can do about them. These, then, are helpful conversations that will benefit all involved.

I know myself, and when I am safe to work and when I am not. Perhaps a better focus than naming more types of absence from work is to teach our employees how to know themselves and what to do about it. Grief is grief – whether it’s your grandma or your goldfish.